rhetorix

Right about now you are questioning the life decisions that brought you to this point
No words. Laughter. But no words.

No words. Laughter. But no words.

The C.S.I. game on facebook is really just cartoon porn. It’s a donkey punch away from Hentai.

The C.S.I. game on facebook is really just cartoon porn. It’s a donkey punch away from Hentai.

Deli Guy: Um, we’re closed.
Me: I though you were open until 11
DG: Normally we are but 3 people called in sick.
Me: But you’re here. And there’s the pasta salad I want.
DG: Ya, 3 people called in sick.
Me: Ya. Maybe one the 5 of you here could get that for me.
DG: Uh, we’re closed. We had..
Me: Ya, 3 people called in sick. I get it.

—Shopping at Save-On Foods deli in downtown Edmonton during their regular business hours while 5 deli employees meander back and forth.

Mean Dirty Hippies

I strolled into a local organic store this week to pick up a few things. Normally, I enjoy my visits to the over-priced, organic mecca but this was not one of those days. I don’t know if some planet is in retrograde or something sciencey like that but these people are out of control. In my 25 minutes I was hit by 3 shopping carts and knocked off balance by one too many oversized, hippie bags.

Seriously, I thought this was a community of organic loving, Mother Earth humping, cosmo worshipping people. I was sorely mistaken. By the time I left I was filled with enough rage to punch a dog and fart on a baby.

Blessed by revenge and irony, I rather enjoyed the cigarette I lit just outside the entrance as I watched the air intake suck in my second hand smoke. Now if you’ll excuse me I’m going to go eat meat. What do you think of that, hippies?

tumblrbot asked: WHAT IS YOUR EARLIEST HUMAN MEMORY?

Earliest memory would be falling backwards in my little rocking chair and cracking my head on the coffee table. I remember running into the bathroom where my mum was and seeing that my white blonde hair was bright red. I don’t remember much after that!