No words. Laughter. But no words.
The C.S.I. game on facebook is really just cartoon porn. It’s a donkey punch away from Hentai.
Deli Guy: Um, we’re closed.
Me: I though you were open until 11
DG: Normally we are but 3 people called in sick.
Me: But you’re here. And there’s the pasta salad I want.
DG: Ya, 3 people called in sick.
Me: Ya. Maybe one the 5 of you here could get that for me.
DG: Uh, we’re closed. We had..
Me: Ya, 3 people called in sick. I get it.
—Shopping at Save-On Foods deli in downtown Edmonton during their regular business hours while 5 deli employees meander back and forth.
I strolled into a local organic store this week to pick up a few things. Normally, I enjoy my visits to the over-priced, organic mecca but this was not one of those days. I don’t know if some planet is in retrograde or something sciencey like that but these people are out of control. In my 25 minutes I was hit by 3 shopping carts and knocked off balance by one too many oversized, hippie bags.
Seriously, I thought this was a community of organic loving, Mother Earth humping, cosmo worshipping people. I was sorely mistaken. By the time I left I was filled with enough rage to punch a dog and fart on a baby.
Blessed by revenge and irony, I rather enjoyed the cigarette I lit just outside the entrance as I watched the air intake suck in my second hand smoke. Now if you’ll excuse me I’m going to go eat meat. What do you think of that, hippies?
tumblrbot asked: WHAT IS YOUR EARLIEST HUMAN MEMORY?
Earliest memory would be falling backwards in my little rocking chair and cracking my head on the coffee table. I remember running into the bathroom where my mum was and seeing that my white blonde hair was bright red. I don’t remember much after that!